Why I hate the damned Cardinals: An essay
Mike McGinnis
The Cardinals have burned the Brewers often. Here are
some reasons why I do not like them.
The Cardinals are my least-favorite team in
baseball. There isn't another team in the league that I dislike more. Everything
they do bugs me. I suspect this is also true for many Brewers fans, though some
might dislike, say, the Cubs more or at least on an even-tilt.
I try to
be a positive person, always looking on the bright side of things. But the
Cardinals are the target of most of my frustrations. Brewers losing? Damned
Cardinals! Something goes wrong at work? Cardinals are the problem! Significant
other leaves me? Tony La Russa got to them.
Catch my
drift? Here is a detailed reasoning of why I hate the Cardinals, which sometimes
I feel bad about because the guys over at Viva El Birdos seem pretty great
actually (stop being good people and let me hate you) and....ehhh, I don't
really feel bad.
They aren't fun
One thing
I will genuinely never-ever forgive the Cardinals for is their immense hatred of
the Brewers' untucking of jerseys after wins in 2008 and 2009. Our untucked
heroes were a fun, young lineup that would remove their jerseys from the
confines of their pants after wins out of respect for blue collar workers that
are ubiquitous in Milwaukee. The celebration stemmed from outfielder Mike
Cameron and his father, who would untuck when he got home after a long days
work.
Now, OK,
so this is the kind of thing where I think people get too serious about sports
and forget what they are great for. Sports are, in the end, entertainment.
They're an escape from Real Life. They allow us to root for something outside of
us, and they are meant for us to enjoy them. There's a reason why I hate The
Unwritten Rules -- half of them seem based around keeping the sport as dull as
possible while the rest are about hitting batters for perceived slights.
You want
young people to watch the game? Let it be fun and don't let stodgy teams muck it
up. That's baseball's biggest problem, in my opinion. Yasiel Puig and Bryce
Harper and Carlos Gomez are talked about as immoral examples rather than as fun,
young, dynamic stars. Flipping a bat is not the same as flipping the bird,
dammit.
Let teams
untuck their shirts and do beast mode. It's fun and lighthearted and oh my god
not hurting you in any way. No we're not cheating using ribbon boards, you
weirdos.
They keep winning
I was
talking to a dude at the bar the other day. He pointed out that the last time an
NL team other than the Cardinals or Giants made the World Series was 2009, when
the Phillies represented the league. The Cardinals have been to the World Series
four times in the past ten years. The Cardinals haven't had a losing season
since 2007. That's their only losing season since the turn of the millennium.
Since 2000, they have a 1,351-1,056 record, a .561 winning percentage.
The
Cardinals have the second most World Series appearances of any team in baseball
and have been to the postseason in four of the last five years.
The
Brewers have one World Series appearance. Back in 1982. When the Cardinals beat
them.
1982
WE
WEREN'T EVEN IN THE SAME LEAGUE BEFORE YOU STARTED HURTING US
2011
DAMN IT
CARDINALS.
This
Versus This
They keep winning with weird voodoo magic
Starting
pitcher goes down? They call up someone who pitches eight shutout innings.
Somebody you've probably never heard of, probably. None of their prospects fail.
None of them. Mediocre prospects become stars. Guys who are supposed to be out
for two months come back in three weeks. Albert Pujols breaks an arm and gets a
leg torn off in a freak needle-point accident and is back on the field two days
later and cranking a pair of home runs.
Shelby
Miller is practically called a failure already! Shelby Miller! He's 23 years old
and has a career 3.43 ERA in 65 major league appearances! I've seen Cardinals
fans call for him to be traded! They can afford to do that! They have one of the
best major league teams and one of the best minor league teams! Stop it! STOP
IT!
They keep winning against the Brewers
| Year | Brewers Wins | Cardinals Wins |
| 2014 | 5 | 8 |
| 2013 | 5 | 14 |
| 2012 | 6 | 9 |
| 2011 | 11 | 13 |
| 2010 | 8 | 7 |
| 2009 | 9 | 9 |
| 2008 | 10 | 5 |
And that
only covers the years since the Brewers got good again. Only once has Milwaukee
convincingly beat the Cardinals in a season series. And that was six years
ago.
This is
not an exhaustive list. There are more. But, man, I just really want to beat the
Cardinals.
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